Saturday, October 11, 2008

URGH!

so, sarah& i went to the gym last night& i'm new to my college& didn't know the hours of the gym. well it closed at 8.... damnit.

anyway, i have bad news. i lost a friend of 5yrs because we are two different people. she was like a sister two me& i want her to be apart of this but she just got tired of caring. i ened it last night because its not only our age difference& the fact that i'm older than her. its because she doesn't know what she wants& is getting out of control, i think. i'm going to school to be an art teacher& i don't need, hey wanna smoke pot? or hey wanna stay out till the butt crack of dawn.? i mean, i stopped doing that slowly after my first break up when i was 19. i'll be 22 years old next year. i'm learning from my mistakes& making a change. she isn't. i mean, she's only 18 but still.

i don't need that in my life. i can't be held back. there's more to this crazy story but i'm not going to make a huge deal about it. so, i'm going step away& move on. i'm going to focus on my life; losing weight, getting more hours at work, trying to see my boyfriend, do my homework& be one of the grandchildren in my family to graduate college. there are only few who have. i want to be one of them.


anyway, more info about me:

i'm karen, i'm born& raised in middle tennessee (murfreesboro is the center of tennessee). i'm an only child but some where out there i have a red headed step brother.

i love motorcycles! not the speed bikes but nice sexy motorcycles& sitting behind the man you love. its a great feeling being behind a bike, you feel free.

i have a wonderful supportive boyfriend who loves who i am& what i look like but understand what i want. i haven't told him that i love him but i really do.

i work at hottopic& have been there for about a year. i was a temp during the holidays for christmas in 07& came back hired part time permanently this year in june. so, yay! i'm trying to rebuild my resume because last year i was a careless person who walked out of a job. i have my reasons!

i'm back living with my mom!

i think the whole weight gain problem started at a very young age. i lost my father when 5 days before christmas. my mom had a hard time dealing with the lose so there was always junk food. i was teased at school for the clothes i wore, my glasses,& the slight fat i had on me.

when i was 15, i was on vacation with my aunt, uncle& younger cousin. we were eating wendy's when i looked around me& saw them shoving fries down their mouths. it made me sick so i didn't eat the rest of my food. i got home& started to work out the best i could. by my senior year of high school i was at my lowest weight, 165. stayed that way till the beginning of college in 2006.

this year, i came to my highest at 240. i have lost 5-10 pounds& right now i'm slightly at 235. its a hard road to go down on& i'm so ashamed of myself for this happening to me.

anyway, i will lose 70 pounds& get back in my size 12/13 jeans. i'll be happier again. :)

i also used to be a smoker& i haven't since april but i did have one yesterday because i was stressing out. i do drink beer but i have cut back to every month or so. i had a 6pack this month so no more till the end of the year!

1 comment:

Fit, Healthy Hips said...

Art teacher? Nice :) I'm 23 and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up but I'm in school so its a start.

I'm sorry about your friend. I don't know the whole situation but try not to think to harshly of her. None of those things you mention are too awful its just as you grow you need to focus on your responsibilities and what you want to accomplish. Hell I'll participate in "recreational" things like that as long as I know that I'm not putting something else I want on hold in order to get f*cked up.

I hope everything works out.